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Ways To Improve Your Relationship

1289513193_top-10-proven-ways-to-improve-your-relationship_1

Solidify your friendship

An insecure attachment style is associated with a slew of relationship troubles, including jealousy, obsession, and emotional highs and lows. The good news is that, regardless of your present pattern, you can become more securely attached, or connected, to your partner by developing a deeper friendship. To do that, incrementally spend more time with her doing something you both enjoy. Also, regularly ask for updates on your partner’s likes, dislikes, current stressors, and new interests, as people change over time.

Appreciate each other

Remember when you first started dating, how you used to go that extra mile to impress her? Well, one of the secrets to a long, fulfilling relationship is to continue to actively appreciate your partner. You don’t necessarily have to pull out all the stops the way you did back in the day, but regular efforts to show your partner that you appreciate her will do wonders for improving your relationship. The only rule is to make sure that you genuinely mean what you say.

Concentrate on the present to ensure your future

Interestingly, the ability of your relationship to weather tough times has a lot to do with your mutual availability in the here and now. Unfortunately, over time, for a variety of reasons, many couples move further apart from each other, meaning that when a rough patch hits, their relationship doesn’t survive. To build a rock-solid relationship, start by acknowledging rather than ignoring the ordinary moments in your relationship. If your partner wants to share something she’s reading on the net, for example, take a minute to listen, even if you simply grunt in response. It may sound strange, but if you accumulate enough of the little things, when you really need your partner, you’ll find she’s there for you.

Don't distort

Unhappy couples focus on the negatives in their relationships. An early study by Robinson and Price (1980) found that unhappy couples underestimated the occurrence of pleasurable events in their relationships by 50%. Also, Fincham, Beach and Baucom (1987) found that individuals in distressed relationships were prone to attributing negative intentions to their partner’s behavior.

If you find yourself stuck in this rut of distorted thinking, the next time you have a negative thought about something your partner has done try to come up with a more neutral explanation for her actions. Another strategy is to consider whether you would judge yourself so harshly if the situation were reversed. Finally, remind yourself often of the good times you’ve spent together recently.

Share power

When a man is not willing to share power with his relationship partner, John Gottman’s research indicates there is an 81% chance that his relationship will self-destruct. While hoarding power may have got you ahead in your career, this strategy will backfire in your relationship because your girlfriend will end up feeling like her opinions aren’t valuable and she doesn’t matter to you. To help save your relationship, develop a more accepting attitude toward compromise. Practice by giving in on issues you don’t feel extremely invested in.

Find common goals

couples reported no longer having the same goals. This situation represents a ticking time bomb, as research has shown that couples who share dreams and goals have longer-lasting, more satisfying relationships. If you feel like you’ve been out of sync lately with your partner on this front, discuss your philosophy of life together. The aim is for both of you to share what you want your life to be about, where you want to end up and what these things mean to you. Look for anything that’s common between the two of you and talk about ways to work toward that aspiration together.

Understand anger

While outbursts of anger are common even in healthy relationships, when anger becomes an entrenched part of your couple life, you should be concerned.

master therapist and pioneer of emotion-focused therapy, an empirically validated treatment for distressed relationships, refers to anger as a secondary emotion. Her theory holds that other (primary) emotions, such as sadness or a fear of being abandoned, can be found behind an angry front.

Think back to the last argument you had with your partner and use this new knowledge to look for hidden messages in what you and your partner were each trying to communicate. Attempting to disregard the angry tone you both used and trying to tune in to what you were each really trying to say will help you to see that you both have needs in your relationship that make sense.

Break negative cycles

Troubled relationships tend to follow a demand-withdraw pattern. That means that one person tends to be more critical and demanding, while the other tends to withdraw or shut down in response to conflict. Douglas Tilley, a proponent of emotion-focused therapy, notes that 85% of the time men tend to be the withdrawer. The reason may be biological -- men’s cardiovascular systems are more responsive to stress, so tuning out your mate is an attempt to avoid uncomfortable sensations. To break the negative pattern of conflict in your relationship, next time things get heated, let your partner know what’s going on with you by saying: “I can see this issue is important to you. I’m feeling too angry to discuss it right now, though, so let’s come back to it once we’ve cooled off.”

Focus on what's fixable

As long as an argument doesn’t leave you feeling like you’ve been through an emotional roller coaster, consider it fixable. One major area that causes tension in relationships is finances, with a longitudinal study by economist Jay Zagorsky finding that 33% of couples have seriously divergent views on income, wealth and debts. In particular, the initial stages of living together may be especially fraught with monetary concerns. So that this problem doesn’t spiral out of control, sit down with your other half and craft a detailed action plan, consulting any resources that might help to get your finances on track. You should both be able to live with the new arrangement or it won’t work. Use this method to address any other problems in your life that you deem fixable.

Accept the unsolvable

Unfortunately, according to relationship scientist John Gottman, 69% of relationship conflicts are persistent problems, meaning they revolve around issues that tend to resurface no matter how long you’ve been together. If you find a problem seems to call up painful emotions, you’re looking at one that’s persistent.

To stop this trouble from ruining your relationship, you’ll need to address the bigger issues underlying your difficulty. Take turns discussing with your partner what this loaded issue really means to you. When your partner is talking, your job is to listen, be nonjudgmental and to find something in her perspective that makes sense to you. When it’s your turn to talk, she should be doing the same thing. By treading more gently into touchy areas, you should at least be able to agree to disagree or make some small concessions for one another.

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The Dos And Don'ts Of Sneakers

Stick to classic sneakers to get the most bang for your buck.
Going sockless leads to foot odor - invest in low-cut (invisible) socks.
You need (at least) two pairs: one for workouts and one for fashion.

"They’re the kind of shoes you see clueless frat boys wearing to their first job interview. This is one fashion mistake you can’t afford to make."

Sneakers were once just for the gym, basketball players and anyone under the age of 12 -- but not anymore. The comfort of a shoe that protects your feet from the daily wear and tear of the streets is now considered suitable for every occasion, from a workout to the workplace. However, despite the growing fashion intelligence of men, we can still be creatures of habit with unsightly ankle socks. Just heed this advice and you’ll be ready to take on life outside the gym in the right pair of kicks with these sneaker dos and don'ts.

Don’t leave the court

High-tops have slowly made their way onto the streets in every offensive way possible -- from pairings with shrunken hipster skinny jeans to hip-hop jean shorts big enough to fit a family of four. If you’re going to get active, you can pick a pair of b-ball shoes that don’t sacrifice fashion for function. When you’re done playing games, leave the shoes in the locker room.

Do stick with the classics

466c

Classic sneakers are the kind of shoes that can be worn with anything. We’re talking about a basic, low-cut lace-up without any glitz that delivers a wholesome serving of understated style. Think about the timelessness of a basic Converse lace-up. One simple color goes with everything from jeans to a tailored trouser. You can dress it up with a blazer or keep it totally easy with a pair of shorts to beat the summer heat.

Don’t go for hybrids

sneakers_hybrid

Hybrid cars: yes. Hybrid sneakers: no. The combination of a sneaker and a dress shoe ends up looking like a clunky block of wood that's been hermetically sealed to your ankle. With hefty leathers and lug soles thick enough for a North Pole expedition, these shoes attempt to masquerade as something more sophisticated. They’re the kind of shoes you see clueless frat boys wearing to their first job interview. This is one fashion mistake you can’t afford to make.

Do skip the visible socks

visible_socks

Socks and sneakers seem like a match made in heaven. Feet can be gnarly as it is, and if you lead an active lifestyle, shoving your foot into a sneaker without socks can turn things into a sweaty mess that Odor-Eaters wouldn’t stand a chance against. Visible ankle socks -- or even worse, tube socks -- can turn an otherwise mature, cohesive look into something befitting a kindergartner. In a day and age where we can clone sheep or broadcast our lives to the world with the click of a button, there is indeed a solution: low-cut socks that are unseen to the naked eye. The invisible sock concept is pretty simple, but it makes a huge difference.

Do crop and roll

Once you have mastered the art of unnoticeable socks (it’s actually harder than it sounds), feel free to go for a pair of cropped trousers or gently roll up a pair of slim denim jeans. Rest assured that this is not an attempt to create a man-panty, clam-digger type pant to keep you dry at high tide. Instead, this is a hem that ends slightly above the edge of the shoe to purposefully reveal a tiny bit of ankle. It creates a tailored silhouette that focuses attention on your shoes, but it typically only works with clean, sophisticated sneakers in a single color.

Do dress down to dress up

dress_down

Until just a few years ago, wearing sneakers with anything but the most casual of clothes was considered a fashion crime of the most heinous kind. However, as sneakers shed their athletic coat and become refined and urbane in design, they gain versatility. The right sneaker can transform a buttoned-up look into something more accessible, comfortable and practical. Try a pair as an alternative to a stuffy dress shoe on a casual Friday at the office. It’s the perfect way to start the weekend a little earlier.

All that glitters isn’t gold - don't do it

Perhaps the worst culprit of all is the over-designed sneaker. With color combinations bright and awkward enough to compete with the deadliest of poison dart frogs, the majority of men get the hint and stay away. Still, some who think they’re taking a walk on the wild side dare to sport these eye-assaulting atrocities. This should serve as a lesson that being bold with your style doesn’t translate into a sneaker dipped in glitter.

Do separate sports from the streets

sport_shoes

Men need to invest in at least two pairs of sneakers: One pair should provide serious support and perform under the pressure of an intense workout, the other simply needs to be comfortable enough to handle the harsh asphalt of the city streets. Most men never bother to wear a cool pair of sneakers outside the confines of a gym, or worse, some actually make athletic shoes do double duty as street wear. While there are definitely shoes that can handle every situation in style and comfort, it’s best to make a clear distinction in your shoe collection.

Sneakers are finally getting their time to shine off the court, but there are more opportunities than ever for men to make major mistakes. It’s nothing to sweat, though -- unless of course you leave your feet to steam up in a pair of tube socks.

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Relationship Misunderstanding

Better Man in brief ...

Interacting innocently with female friends and ex-girlfriends can easily be misinterpreted.
Know what you want and communicate it to avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
If you have nothing to hide, there's no need to be secretive.

It’s definitely not easy to predict how your girlfriend’s going to interpret your behavior. Most misunderstandings and arguments arise because one of you has grabbed the wrong end of the stick. If you’ve reacted melodramatically or done something that she has misunderstood, it’s not up to you to change. You can’t always help what she sees, after all. But you can prevent the onslaught of drama by taking note of some typical misconceptions so that you’re ahead of the game.

Here are some examples of what you do versus what she sees.

You forget to give her a key to your place:

What you did: You’ve been working long hours and have had so much going on that getting her a key to your apartment just slipped your mind -- again.

What she sees: A hesitation to commit. In her mind it’s such a simple thing for you to give her a key that she fears your hesitation could be symptomatic of something more serious. For instance, maybe you just don’t have the balls to tell her you really don’t want her to move her toothbrush into your bathroom just yet.

What you should do: It’s time to figure out your emotions. Are there any real reasons, other than a memory slip, that explain you not getting her a key? Ask yourself if you really do want her gaining free access to your private space. If you do, then make getting the key a priority. If you are second-guessing yourself, clearly communicate with her why you’d rather not take that leap of commitment yet.

Cut off phone or text conversations:

What you did: You’ve spoken for a while, but when you’re keen to end the conversation you warble off a “goodnight” and don’t think anything of pulling the plug on your talk. In fact, you might regularly end conversations first.

What she sees: She’s either boring you or you just don’t wish to take the time to nurture the relationship with communication.

What you should do: Explain to her that you’re not a big phone person and would prefer getting to speak to her face-to-face. That way, she won’t feel dissed. Ensure that you have really great conversations when you do see each other so she knows you’re interested in getting to know her.

Interact with an ex:

What you did: You and your ex have been exchanging a few texts and organizing coffee catch-ups.

What she sees: A threat, possibly involving future infidelity. You have a history with the woman in question so your girlfriend can’t help but worry a romantic sequel is in the cards.

What you should do: Decide what your relationship with your ex is about and what you hope to gain from it. Often, misunderstandings occur because of lack of information, so define that interaction for yourself and then communicate it to your girlfriend. This will prevent her mind from incorrectly filling in blanks.

Talk about a female friend:

What you did: It’s nothing major. In conversation, you casually mentioned something about Michelle from the office, or you talk about Lauren, one of your closest friends.

What she sees: You’re lusting over a friend that keeps coming up in conversation.

What you should do: Bite your tongue in the future. However, if you want to share something with your girlfriend, bear in mind it’s easy for misunderstandings to crop up unless you’re crystal clear concerning details. If you saw Mary in a group setting, ensure you mention that crucial fact so your girlfriend’s mind doesn’t run circles around her.

Take a call in the other room:

What you did: You couldn’t hear the person on the other side of the phone or you just thought it was less rude to take the call outside the restaurant.

What she sees: She thinks you could be hiding something and keeping secrets from her.

What you should do: Take calls in the room with her. Not only will she see that she has nothing to fear, but she will probably start wishing you would take them outside when you become too noisy

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Ways To Wear A T-Shirt

Like a pair of jeans, the humble T-shirt is the go-to item of a man’s wardrobe; they are the building blocks that you can take in any direction you please, dressing them up or down depending on the occasion. Of course, when it comes to T-shirts, what’s in vogue changes on a regular basis. This means that while some pieces in this category are classics, others are more transient, shifting in popularity according to the fashion

The polo T-shirt

polo_t Once upon a time, polo shirts were the domain of golfers and prepsters. Everything changed Nowadays, everyone owns -- or ought to own -- a polo. No matter what your style, a polo will be a useful addition to your wardrobe that you’ll be able to adapt to your unique look. During the summer months, try it in a playful, ultra bright shades . The only thing you need to remember is that while preppy equals polished, you want to avoid wearing it head to toe.

Wear it with: White trousers in the summer and your own accessories.

The nautical tee

Nautical_T The nautical tee successfully combines fashion with function. Whether you’re down at the docks or chilling on a yacht, a nautical tee will stand you in good stead. Like this long-sleeved model , you’ll want to get yours in lightweight cotton, which can be thrown straight into the wash in order to maximize its usage. Even if you don’t have a perfect physique, don’t be put off by wearing horizontal stripes as these are some of the most flattering lines you’ll ever come across. There’s only one caveat: This shirt is the definition of easy summer living, so don’t even think about wearing it in the winter.

Wear it with: It’s stunning with white, so dress it up with a white blazer or keep it casual with cotton shorts.

The graphic T-shirt

g_T-shirt

Having made a major impact on the T-shirt market when it first appeared, the graphic tee remains a wardrobe must-have for stylish men. To be able to wear your graphic T-shirt with practically everything in your wardrobe, you’ll want to stick to a reasonably abstract pattern

Wear it with: Make a graphic statement by mixing this T-shirt with gray jeans or corduroys, and throw on a blazer for funky, fuss-free style on a wild night out.

The sports T-shirt

sport_Tee

While you can’t get away with wearing your favorite player’s jersey on a regular basis as it’s neither acceptable office wear nor particularly stylish, you can show your love for the game at work by playing with a carefully chosen sports tee. Retro Sport is one label that makes fantastic vintage-inspired T-shirts featuring logos from old-school sporting teams. Football fans can pledge their allegiance to the sport without compromising their style with this T-shirt from the Los Angeles bulldogs

Wear it with: Slim fitting jeans and canvas sneakers.

The deep V-neck T-shirt

deep_v-neck

While a V-shaped neckline is never really outdated, you can increase the style quotient of your ensemble by choosing a tee with a deep V-neck rather than the standard collarbone length style, is seasonless and will slim a less-than-ideal shape, making it appear more masculine. At the same time, the neckline isn’t so low that you’ll feel cheesy in it or like you’re contemplating entering a cleavage competition.

Wear it with: Blazers make it smarter, cuffed denim keeps it casual and layering a cardigan over it takes it into fall.

The granddad T-shirt

grandpa_t-shirt Essentially a short-sleeve, the granddad tee is reminiscent of those long-sleeve thermals your old man’s old man wore. Thankfully, this time around they have been updated with a more flattering fit and you won’t be restricted to wearing them exclusively as an undergarment. This dark-navy option from G-Star is cut to skim the body and show off a gym-toned physique to its full advantage without being skin tight.

Wear it with: Denim or pressed cotton pants. In colder months, layer it underneath a plaid shirt to try out.

You probably wear them so often you barely think about them, but the introduction of the T-shirt initiated a style revolution -- just think about what it did for stars like James Dean and Steve McQueen and its power will become crystal clear. T-shirts can be worn in an endless number of ways and are the perfect budget-conscious way to revitalize your wardrobe this season and the next.

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What is your style

Your mane should properly represent your personality and shouldn’t be a throwback to the early ‘90s. So, make sure your hairstyle suits you by choosing one that properly reflects your overall style. Like our inspiration for clothing trends, decide which trendy 'do would best suit the rest of your style.

The close shave

hair_cut

Want to make your hair disappear without going bald? Then ask your barber for the close shave -- it’s the black man’s buzz cut. the close shave is the perfect all-around haircut for a man with a hectic schedule and a varied lifestyle because it will complement any look you try to pull off.

What it says about you: You’re a suave, refined man, who centers his professional life around order and structure, and his personal life around being the life of the party

The total shave

total_shave

Many men fear the idea of shaving their head and going completely bald up top. The idea of prematurely losing your hair before its natural time might seem like scary territory, but the many black men who opt to go for the total shave route show that being bald is nothing to fear. And since you don’t have any hair to fuss over, you can spend more time perfecting your wardrobe.

What is says about you: You’re sophisticated and loaded with confidence and sleek sex appeal.

Well-coiffed Afro

afro

Why not work with the hairstyle Mother Nature gave you? For the urban man of style, the well-coiffed Afro is definitely a contemporary spin on a vintage style. But you don’t have to be a guitar god to rock this mini ‘fro; any man from the student to the professional can make this vintage style work, so long as his wardrobe is as trendy as his hair.

What it says about you: You’re a stylish man who’s not afraid to take risks with his look or with his professional and personal life.

Short dreads

short_dreadlocks

Long, unkempt dreadlocks haven’t really been in style for quite some time. But, if you are a dreadlock fan, there is a sharper, trendier way to do this 'do. Take some inspiration from the Brits and try out the organized chaos of the short dreads. For the young, urban man, this style will definitely complement any laid-back look he wears.

What it says about you: You’re an urban hipster who knows a thing or two about maintaining taste, style and polish in line with contemporary men's fashion.

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