Oiy Vey!!- Sounds funny? Never heard of it?
Eric Kiambati
Its an exclamation of sorts and I say it when am exasperated. For maximum effect, its best said with a sigh an rolling eyes. Same you’d say ‘Oh no, not again!’ Try it and see. Yep. A few tries and it sticks like habit.
Why am I saying this???? Well I have taken her out to this coffee house thats got soft lighting, coffee brown paint in three shades n the walls and that aroma of sophistication lingers in the air.
Potted plants line the false corners of the coffee-house. Gentlemen in pressed suits and expensive smelling colognes holding 7 inch devices cased in leather are well spaced out sitting in various stances. Either gazing or staring at their significant others. A few sit alone in rimless glasses, steaming coffee and a tablet infront of them. Waiting for thier dates to arrive.
Me??? Am none of that. I don an unbuttoned striped shirt on top of which sits a black fading Coudrouy Blazer………and not-so-much-to-write-about pants too. One glance at me and you move on swiftly.
Her on the other hand, she’s dressed in a black dress, cotton, with a dash of white somewhere. Scratch black. Make it ash grey. Killer heels in black. Silver earrings. and a petite figure. Curves in all the right places. None too much, none too little.
Her complexion is that of a crisp thousand note. The kind you hold and feel like you own a chunk of the treasury?? The kind too that makes you believe the teller at the bank surely must have winked at you when she handed it to you. Light. Just a shade lighter than the inside of a fudge bar.
The waitress comes, smiles asks for what we’ll have. I havent had time to look at the menu, Ive been talking to her about something like the weather. She looks up momentarily from her phone, and orders; Capuccino with a slice of White Forest. ‘And you sir?’ Me? Oh! Me!!! Umm do you have some old rum somewhere in the back of your kitchen??? Splash some into a mug then add straight black coffee steaming and add 3 sugars. Stir in a slow swirl…clockwise…That is what I want right about now, says the voice in my head.
‘ A milkshake will do, thank you. A flavour of your choice’
She notes it down and says she’ll be back in about five.
I get back to the conversationn I was having with her……..she keeps tapping on her touchsreen of her Samsung. She looks up to me for a fraction of a second, says ‘ Uh-huh’ as I drone on. Occasionally she smiles to herself as she reacts to the responses she gets on her chat list. She also interuppts me and says ‘Sorry but I just have to laugh……my friend here named Stacy did…..’ Ten miniutes later after telling me her story she goes back to her chat list on phone. And in my head the voice says
‘Oiy Vey!’
I try to keep appearances, but my patience is tethered to a tight leash. By the time I’m halfway down my Vanilla Milkshake, am getting another voice in my head telling me to make a bee-line for the door. But I comfort myself…….this mission isnt complete yet. I had something important to tell her but am not yet so sure If I should. Perhaps If I send her a message on Whatsapp and she’ll see it instantly. But noooo……you gotta have standards dude!!!! Whatsapp??? Come On!!!
A look from a brother 2 tables away, gives me an answer. My gut tells me he’s been observing us for a while. When our eyes meet, he holds my gaze and shakes his head as if to say ‘No, it aint worth it.’ And its not. As if on cue, her phone rings, with some Pitbull ringtone…..she talks animatedly on it. And then within 5 minutes shes said thank you, brushed on her make up, flushed the contents of her mug down her throat.
Then as the waitress comes along, she flutters her eyes to her and asks her to pack her untouched White Forest. Red Cherry and all. We walk out of the restaurant and she says she has to rush to a meeting…..could she call me when she’s done? It will only take about 30 mins one hour tops.
Yeah sure, you can……….I’ll still be around.
A quick hug, an sloppy peck on the cheek and she runs on into the evening. The guard and his metal detector look at me in a manner likely to suggest that I just Picked Up but I didnt Pitch In.
Oiy Vey.
Play to Win next time.
By Eric Kiambati
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