I was also a Grand Chef,experimenting with all sorts of pastries,
take my Award Winning recipe for instance;two cups of soil sourced from the finest soils across my Nyeri Village-near the toilet,at the gate,near the road…
mix in a bowl-an empty ‘Kasuku’ tin sourced from the finest shopping malls-the council Garbage site,
then add my secret Ingredient,packed with all sorts of nutritious salts-warm urine,
mix thoroughly and serve hot.

I was also a judge,yes I was,
take for instance this one day,I threw all my mother’s shoes in a pit latrine-ALL OF THEM,
apparently she had ‘wrongly concluded that my elephant was not in any position to dispense off any liquids’
and she had proceeded to drive the point home with the aid of a belt and a branch from the mango tree,

I was an excavator,
digging through heaps of cow dung to fetch out ‘digoingo’ with my fingers,

‘Cha mama na Cha Baba you ask?
no sir!not for me,
I was the Knife swinging village gangster,and yes I can recall an incident,
it was on a cold evening,some village kids had come to pick up their litre of milk-My milk from our Cow called ‘Njata’.
well to cut the story short,the story is still being narrated of how a bunch of kids were seen running and screaming in fright at a ‘neck breaking speed’ away from our compound.

And talking about the cow,I used to milk it…
if i tell of that story,I may grow old alone,I rest.